The Move
Continued...

Day Seven

I'm pretty sure I was the only person who was fully aware of the historic role played by Mammoth Caves, KY. The longest cave system in the world is geologically very exciting for geologists I imagine, but for me it is exciting because of the critical role it played in the birth of interactive fiction. Colossal Cave, practically the first widely played IF game, was based on a computerized mapping of Mammoth Caves. Colossal Cave gave way to Zork and Zork gave way to the future. No matter how freaky everyone seemed on the tour of the caves, and those people from the south produce some stellar freaks, I knew with clear certainty that I alone was weird enough to walk through a geologic wonder thinking, "Go west. Open iron door. Grab sword. Feed troll to troll."

Mammoth Caves is also notable for hosting the absolutely cutest hotel/motel in the entire national park system. Straight from the heyday of national park tourism, the stainless steel doors still boast sublime futura fonts. Orange vinyl chairs, multicolored brick walls, accessible frank lloyd wright architecture, and spotlessness everywhere -- I would return in a second. Even become a spelunker.

Driving through Kentucky the time zone changes entirely without notice. As a result we were exactly one hour too late to tour the Maker's Mark distillery. But we did manage a nice photo op at the infamous one room log cabin in which Abraham Lincoln spent his childhood. The birthplace of interactive gaming, the birthplace of the emancipation proclamation's author and the birthplace of one of my favorite bourbons all in one day? It probably *would* have been too much.

Ate steak and potatoes for dinner.

Results of custom three-point testing of tonight's motel: 1) Is there Kleenex? Yes. 2) Does the sink drain? Yes. 3) Is the bathroom door capable of closing all the way? No.

Day Eight

Pennsylvania touches six other states. I counted. We aren't in Pennsylvania. But we did spend a lot of today in the small stretch of Maryland that runs between Pennsylvania and (West) Virginia. I got a lot of practice flipping through the map, trying to plan our route. On the fly.

Today was our first fast food stop. I chose A&W because in California the A&Ws offer veggie burgers. This is not the case in, uh, Kentucky? Mom ordered chili fries. I said, "How are you going to eat the chili fries while driving?" She said, "??" I said, "do you know what you ordered?" She said, "??? I said, "Chili fries have chili on them," and pointed to the large picture of fries with meat sauce and velveeta. Mom grimaced. "I thought they were like the fries at Barney Burger where they put chili spices on them."

We went to a mall today. An outlet mall. To break up the monotony. Today was a big driving day for us. 500 miles. Really the only thing we did was drive. Haven't had a day like that since New Mexico. A store in the mall that made me nervous the same way Talbot's does actually made us really great iced lattes.

We stopped somewhere near a bunch of states to get some more cheese. The checkout girl was new and screwed up this poor guy's ATM purchase so we stood in line for fifteen minutes trying to act casual. As if that's possible in front of the Weekly World News.

Bought three bottles of wine following this exchange:

Mom: Do you think we should get another bottle?
Me: Sure.
Mom: It's probably cheaper here.
Counter Guy: Where're you heading?
Mom: New York
CG: Where in New York
Mom: We don't know.

Everyone smiles pleasantly.

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