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ABOUT HEIDI
Q: How would Heidi earn a living in her ideal world?
A: In her ideal world Heidi would not earn her living but would
rather see it justified.
Q: What is Heidi's social security number?
A: Heidi is proud to say that for at least seven years now she
has conducted all her private affairs under her originally assigned social
security number (the one with the "6" not the"2").
Q: What is that song that Heidi can't remember?
A: It's that song, that you know, that's like,
da-da-dumdumdum-dee-dee-dee-duh-dum, or something, um, about that guy.
Q: What would be the first line of Heidi's novel?
A: The beets rolled off the counter, exploding red juice onto
the
Q: What is the shape of Heidi's universe?
A: Heidi's universe is the shape of things to come which on most
days is so impossible to fully grasp that Heidi fancies the universe as
a delicious Euclidean 3-torus.
Q: What motivates Heidi to get out of bed every morning?
A: Heidi is usually motivated by the thought of some savory
breakfast item but often she just has to go to the bathroom.
Q: Has Heidi sold the film rights to the FAQ?
A: Heidi does not feel the world is ready for such a work.
Q: Who would Heidi like to see cast as herself were the
aforementioned film made?
A: Heidi would feel comfortable having the role of herself
played by Toaster from The Brave Little Toaster.
Q: (Part I) Does Heidi own a pants suit?
A: Yes.
Q: (Part II) Why and in what color (if "no" ignore this part)?
A: Heidi owns a luscious charcoal grey pants suit because Heidi
knows that when a pants suit occasion arises it is best to be prepared.
Q: Was Heidi ever a girl scout?
A: Heidi was a girl scout for seven years (inclusive of "The
Brownies").
Q: Why does Heidi hate three-pronged forks?
A: Heidi absolutely abhors three-pronged forks because they are
cursed with a tendency toward erratic swiveling motions, more prone to
faulty jabbing than their time-tested four tine counterparts, poorly
balanced and in general are no less than an aberrant affliction upon the
elegant landscape of table settings everywhere.
Q: Can I have Heidi's phone number?
A: Well you can but no one else.
Q: How does one know if Heidi is saying what she really means?
A: One does not know if Heidi is saying what she really
means.
Q: How could you?
A: Oh but how could I not?
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